You know, I’ve told a select number of people that I’m starting up a blog. “What are you gonna write about?” they ask. So I tell them. And the response has been almost universal. We don’t care about the politics. We care a smidge about the anecdotes. But write about Code Red. Write about Code Red everyday. Hubert even asked me today: “Write about Code Red twice a day. Please. I want to read it.”
I suppose I’ll make my inaugural entry about Code Red.
Code Red is mistaken to be synonymous with partying. In the last few years, at least 15 dudes have asked me to “teach” them Code Red. When I start off by saying Code Red is a mode of thought, they impatiently say “no no no, I want to get some girls. How do I go Code Red and get this girl?”
Now, I freely admit the most conspicuous way Code Red was expressed in my life had been via partying. But Red should also color the way you travel, the way you view experiences, the way you view people, etc. The “Code Red” era, in my personal life, started precisely on 8/8/2006, and lasted until 3/15/2011. Thus far, I have no regrets, both about the past 5 years or ending it.
Code Red was born from immense pain. I’m not gonna go into detail, except to say that you don’t know how precious life, and the concept of it, is until you’re about to lose it. When the near-loss hits you, it puts you into a panic. Ingrains urgency. It makes you selfish. Extremely selfish. Selfish for what? Why, to appreciate life, of course.
What the fuck is Code Red, thinks the random reader. Is it Mountain Dew? Is it some kind of defcon-5 description?
It’s a philosophy which consists solely of living every day as if it could be your last. “ Life is short; play it Loud” was the resilient motto. It is a mentality that urges you to chase every experience you desire, every experience you want, damn the consequences. It is a naked, unapologetic, callous form of existentialism—the chasing of human experiences.
If every day could be your last to live, would you want to die knowing you had a chance to do _______(fill in the blank) but turned it down? Shit, you’re walking down the street, smoking your cigarette, whistling doop-dee-doop-doop-deee and then a piano falls out of the sky and falls on your face and that’s it , son. You’ll never know what it’s like to do this or that or that or this. That’s it. Your life is frozen. You’re dead. You never get to discover what _____(fill in the blank) feels like. Do you want that? No? Then you better go do it.
“yeah yeah yeah”, I can hear my guy friends thinking as they read this. “get to the part with the hynas.”
Instead of being hounded daily by friends wanting my input on this or that situation, I can just write entries about Code Red, and answer all the questions at once. So, if you are reading this primarily interested in how Code Red applies to you and the opposite sex, I am going to jot down some Do’s and Don’ts.
1. Do not bring lasting negativity into the lives of others. That means check your skeletons, insecurities, hidden jealousies, etc. at the club door. I’m not trying to hear no fucking sob-story when I’m out having a good time, and neither is anybody else. We’re not trying to hear about how you want this girl/guy so bad or how you CAN’T LET BOB WIN or the time your ex cheated on you or how you’re so jealous that your girlfriend gets all the attention but you don’t . Nobody gives a rat’s ass. Everyone’s trying to have a good time, and you, Mr. or Miss Buzzkill, are really messing with people’s vibes.
2. Do not sip on haterade. This is tied to bulletpoint one, but is big enough that I separated it. Don’t be a hater. Seriously. Some guy ends up hooking up with the girl you like? Or if you’re a chick, you lost your crush to your best friend? Get the fuck over it and move on. Do not, under any circumstances, bitch and moan and piss and whine about it all week to anyone who will listen. Nobody cares how big of a douche you think the other guy is or how your girl “back-stabbed” you or whatever. They may sugar-coat it, they may try to be “understanding”, but seriously, nobody cares. Do not hate on anyone. Whiners are wieners. No excuses. If you’re jealous of someone, get the fuck over it, focus on why he or she obtained what you could not, learn from them, and get on the horse again.
3. You’re not out to get laid. You’re out to have fun. Every guy that wants to learn “Code Red” is always so hung up on getting laid. The girls can smell the desperation on them. Zomgiwannagetlaid zomgiwannagetlaid zomgiwannagetlaid repeat ad nauseum. You know how if you’re searching the streets for a quarter to buy a soda, you never find one, but sometimes you’re just kicking pebbles on the street, and you kick up a $50 dollar bill? Think of it like that. And I don’t mean “pretend” to not get hung up on chasing tail when that is in fact the only thing you’re thinking about. Just go out, have fun, relax. As long as you have a good night, what more can you ask for?
4. Don’t fuck people over. This is not a karmic thing. This is just a matter of principle. Code Red is a code of Honor. Don’t lie to people’s faces. If you don’t want to reveal something, just ignore the question. Don’t slip out of a group tab. Don’t intentionally break someone’s heart. Don’t order drinks on people’s tabs and then bounce early. Don’t fuck your friend’s bf/gf. Don’t say anything behind someone’s back that you haven’t said yet to their face. Don’t steal tip money. Etc. etc. You’re not out to tread on anyone. If you were going to die tomorrow, would you really want to go out having done some grievous wrong on someone?
5. Don’t worry about what people think. You’re too busy having a good time. If you fucked up, apologize (and you should ALWAYS give a sincere apology if you fuck up. There’s no point in being prideful or stubborn about these kind of things) but get over it. Don’t dwell on it. Only focus on things that you can control. Can you control what other people think about you? No. So stop caring.
6. You can always meet new people next Thursday. In essence, your mentality should be that of someone who meets new people every Thursday. This really puts everything into perspective. When I was Red, I didn’t give a rat’s ass if something bad or good happened. It didn’t really matter. That was that night, and come next Thursday-Friday-Saturday, I was going to meet a handful of new chicks anyways. This kept me pretty even-keel, where I wouldn’t spaz out if I hooked up with some girl or if I got shot down. Note: For this mentality to actually kick in, you have to actually go and meet new people every weekend.
And that’s pretty much it. Before you go to the pregame, and go out to the club, and try and sidle up on that fox you’ve had your eye on, you should internalize those 6 bulletpoints of Code Red.
If you live Code Red right, you’re going to be meeting a lot of people, and following these 6 bulletpoints will cut down on a lot of stress/headaches/drama in your life.
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